Tired of Pain
by Traitor of All Traitors
Summary: I couldn't focus on wanting to watch a DVD, so I wrote this fanfic down! I'm troubled right now!


Creation began on 12-05-11

Creation ended on 12-05-11

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Tired of Pain

A/N: I'm only writing this piece down because I'm having a hard time trying to resume watching my DVD of _Fushigi__Yugi__Eikoden_. This revolves around the _End__of__Evangelion_ film and manga scenes of Shinji. Basically, a 'what if'-based scenario. On with the show.

Shinji was tormented, devastated and shattered. His childhood was one of pain and loneliness. His life in Tokyo-3 was one of great suffering. In the months that followed since his arrival, he found some friends that he wanted to keep with him always…only to discover that because of the Eva, he could never keep them safe. It was also because of his parents that he couldn't move on with his life.

First, his mother, Yui Ikari, gave herself up to the Eva, leaving the mortal coil to watch from the sidelines and rarely involve herself in anything except fighting the Angels as Unit-01. Then Gendo abandons him to the care of other relatives that he couldn't feel any sort of bond to (he even remembered how he was hassled for the accused bike theft, and he didn't even know how to ride one). The third great pain was Toji's murder at the hands of his parents, just so that the Angel possessing Unit-03 was defeated, and all Toji agreed to do the piloting was to get his sister better medical care, forcing Shinji to his breaking point. Asuka's defeat at the hands of the Angel known as Arael was another devastating blow to his consciousness, followed by Ayanami's suicide to get rid of the second-to-last Angel. But it all came with the hammer of all hammers when the final Angel was revealed to be Kaworu Nagisa, who asked him to kill him.

People he thought he could protect, people he thought actually cared about him, all gone like that. He was tired of it. Tired of losing people, tired of caring about them, tired of the Eva, his parents, and himself for that matter, also.

_Explosions…gunfire… An enemy has invaded,_ he thought, crouched underneath a stairway, ignoring the faraway sounds of violence. _Will everyone die…if I stay here and don't pilot the Eva? If I don't do anything…this will all be over. And…if I don't do anything, if I just let what's happening go on… I'll be free. No more piloting. No more Eva… No more being used. I'm tired of everything. I don't care what happens next._

He heard footsteps approaching him, and he looked up and saw two armed soldiers.

"We've located the Third Child," one of them said over the radio, "proceeding with termination."

_The enemy's…not an Angel…so why… Why should it matter whether they're Angels or not? I'm tired. I don't care. I don't care._ Shinji thought, taking notice of one of the soldiers raising a gun toward his head without hesitation.

"Sorry, kid," the soldier told him. "Nothing personal."

"I'm not offended," Shinji told him back. "I'm tired of it all. Just put me down before someone comes to save me, only to make me pilot the Eva again."

By the time Gendo Ikari had arrived, the soldiers he tried to shoot at had already fled from the scene, leaving the remains of the former Third Child, having put a bullet in between his eyes and a few rounds into his heart and lungs to finish him off. But what didn't change was the small smile on Shinji's face prior to his execution. The died with a smile on his face!

_No!_ Gendo thought, now unable to use Unit-01 without the only person that could make it move.

Misato arrived, but also couldn't believe that she arrived too late…or that Shinji died with a smile on his face, like he was waiting for the soldiers to find him and kill him.

_Shinji…_ She thought, unable to accept that this was reality.

In the cages, Unit-01 was aware of what had transpired…and was unable to shed the necessary tears over the resident soul's new loss.

Elsewhere in NERV, the third Rei Ayanami, gazing at the tanks filled with the remains of her sister clones, her spare parts, couldn't help but wonder why her right hand felt empty.

_Ikari-Kun,_ she realized too late, _could I hold your hand again?_

End.

A/N: Please, review. That Japanese dude, Yoshiyuki Sadamoto, is taking so long to put out the final volume of the manga that I'm dying of irritation. And if anyone knows where I can find the DVD box sets of all the _Fushigi Yugi_ cartoons in San Francisco, CA, I'd be immensely appreciative. My other _Evangelion_ pieces are taking longer than I had anticipated and I don't know when they'll be posted, if they ever will be. Then there's my Internet limitations and lack of motivation. I wish I had more time in my life…and a good-paying indoor job…and more anime like _Escaflowne _and _Ceres_. Peace!


End file.
